How do I do this!

There are so many questions caregivers have. I had a million and probably still, a million more! Sadly, I found out very quickly that caregiving was a learned thing and you have to educate yourself, below are some steps that I took. 

Please know that I work for a law firm but I am NOT an Attorney, these are all things that I learned needed to be done. If it is Helpful, I am in Maryland. These things may vary from state to state.

About a year before this, my brother and I got Power of Attorney (POA). For us, it was fairly easy. My brother and I pretty much agree on everything, he pretty much allows me to just do what needs to be done. We have Dual POA. It is worded that if he is unavailable or unwilling to make these decisions, I automatically get the say. This works well for us but if there are a bunch of siblings, issues can certainly arise. Anyway…..There are different kinds to get. There is POA Financial and then POA Medical, then there is Advanced Directive (AD) and also Managed Care Agreements (MCA).

Here is what each one means....

POA-Financial: This will give the ability to take over all financial matters. You will be able to pay their bills with their money, from their bank account. You will be able to call debtors and discuss their financial affairs. You will also be able to do transactions at the bank, HOWEVER, I suggest you get your name on their bank account.

POA-Medical: This will allow you to discuss their health with doctors without them being present. You will be able to call their medical insurance, get medical records and anything relating to their health.

(These two POA’s are two different papers which any attorney can draw up. I cannot remember how much we paid but it was not a lot of money)

Advanced Directive: This is their medical wishes should they need to be kept alive artificially or DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). Feeding tube etc……A lot of hospitals have these papers, if your LO (Loved One) is in placement, the social worker usually has them.

Managed Car Agreement: Let me put it you straight up, Assisted Living places start at about 3k a month, that is on the low end and god knows what kind of care your LO would get for that. A managed care agreement allows you to be paid for your time and care of your LO. Remember that you will, most likely, need to claim taxes on these funds.

I am sure there is more but these are the important papers that I know of for now. If your loved one is moving in with you or you are their primary care taker, GET these done. You will need them. Even if they are of sound and mind, remind them of how important these are should something happen and you need to make decisions on their behalf.

People, I cannot stress that these papers vary from state to state, bank to bank and insurance to insurance. One company may require one thing while another something else. Always check with an Elder Law Attorney.

Meanwhile, Back at base, I came home today to finish the above but had to clean up poop splattered all down the side of the toilet with a pile on the floor! Seriously, when they say caretaking is not for the weak at heart, They were not kidding! So for the remainder of the day,, do I WHINE or do I WINE? lol

Stick around, I still have not gotten to the fun part!

In The Beginning

This is how I came about taking care of Gran. When I was eleven, my mother, her only child, passed away, at sixty-two her and my Grandfather took in my three brothers and myself. She was the kindest, sweetest woman that ever walked this earth. Over the years, we lost two of those three brothers and in 2011 my Grandfather passed. My brother and I convinced Gran to finally sell her house in 2015 and move to a fifty five and over complex. At this time my brother and I would take turns taking her to the grocery store and doing things for her. It was not until last spring that we really noticed things changing. That brings me to the different stages of dimentia. We noticed that she was in the ANGRY stage most commonly known as the DENIAL stage. Everything we did was wrong. My very giving, kind and sweet grandmother was no longer there. This brings me to the Macular Degenerative issue. In Grans angry episode there was the issue where she was complaining that she could not see. Up until she had moved, she went to all her appointments by herself. So, I take her to my eye doctor who says that she has MD and there is nothing they can do to help. She literally refused to agree and swore that if she got her eyes scrapped, it would help. She is confused from when she had cataracts removed. My eye doctor was not good enough so I her to her regulator eye doctor who... Guess what? Had diagnosed her with MD, in her right eye, in 2012. Through all of this she was mean and insisted, even after three eye doctors said it is not fixable, she swore it was if they would just scrape her eyes. This was a never ending battle and I was constantly reminding her that she wants to be nice so people want to be around her. Then there were incidents where she had caught a pot on fire and hid the fact that it happened. This happened a few times, I joke that I had spies all over they were actually the little ladies in the complex. We had hired an agency to come in a couple times a week to be a companion and help her fix meals. At the advice of them we took the knobs off the stove and hid them. All meals were prepared and microwaveable. Trust me when I say that this did not go over well. Through all of this, my brother and I were discussing and trying to figure out what to do. My husband and I took our annual trip up North over the summer and when I got back, I found out that she caught the microwave on fire. Oh boy! I had bought her coffee bags so she could still have her coffee but they were very much like tea bags and had a small staple in them. Instead of heating up the water and dipping the bag in, she put the bag in the glass mug and put it in the microwave for TWENTY TWO minutes! I will spare you the incident where she answered the door in just her shirt! LoL I will have more on the clothes issue later. Anyway, this is when we realized just how bad this really was. I told my brother that I was making the executive decision and she was coming to live with me. Honestly, he is a guy and gran was born in 1922, we all know how women from that era think. She did not want him to do it and for no other reason than the fact that he is a man. On move out day my brother looked at me and said “Are you sure about this?” Ummm Nope, I am not but it has to be done. This is where I wish someone would have told me to take stock in Wine as this is when the real fun began!